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What a long day. I mean, I get up early for school, and then had to run off to work, only to then run back to School! What crap. Let alone, when I get back to school only to hear Jessie’s bizarre monologue of the day. What is with her and her supernatural crap?! She finds and says the weirdest stuff! Like today she went on and on with this ‘angels are star’ crap. What next? I half her to expect her to claim Jesus is an alien with how each time she keeps getting closer to god. Today her ‘divine claims’ covered red stars are fallen angels and falling stars are dying angels, with the grand finale of weak stars are new born angels. Angels? Stars? What crap. Tomorrow she will be saying the sun is an angel on ‘a higher level of the hierarchy’ or some crap like that. But who cares about all that, anyway?

Damn, I wish I had a car… These chilly nights and these dark evenings are starting to piss me off! I gotta walk all day! Well, at least it doesn’t snow here is the south like it does at home, up north. On Good Morning Atlanta the woman (Robin I think...) said, ‘fall is the prime of life!’ how cheery… But nothing really happens in the fall! I mean, it’s just routine until some holiday hits. Maybe that’s why Halloween and Thanksgiving exist. What value do they have beyond keeping Hallmark alive? Maybe it’s a government ploy to keep us working hard and have ‘something’ to look forward to. But the holidays don’t always live up to the entertainment and excitement the media provides us. Let’s think… the only REAL fall holidays are Veteran’s Day, which is too close to summer, and Columbus Day, which no one even gives a crap about! Maybe these ‘spare holidays’ exist for ‘family unity’. What crap. December is the number one month for divorces! Some unity… Then again that is winter. Hm… This is completely idiotic and irrelevant! This trivial train of thought is stopping me of thinking of the real issues! The rent is due in a week and I need some quick cash to cover… DAMN! Five seconds thinking into this rent crap and I am already stressed out and got a headache from hell.

Thank God! At least QT is less than a block away! I have needed to stop to have a smoke and chill my nerves all damn day.  Ah! Stretch. Hm? Well there goes Jessie’s dying angel, running across the sky. I remember my grandfather telling me “Make a wish on a star. C’mon boy! It can’t hurt’cha!” He would laugh and I would make a wish.  Then he would retort with a grimacing scowl starring at me and “Be careful for what you wish for, boy.” What Crap! He never did tell me of why and I have come up my own conclusions, but it was his I wanted to know. I keep jumping tracks! How messed up is it to jump from a psycho supernatural freak to the thought of my dead gramps?! This day has been too damn long.

Thank God for heated QT stations, but please smite the creator of those damn annoying bells that ring when you enter! Oh shit… this is great! Wonderful… ‘Mr. Juan’ , professional fence hopper, is running shop. Don’t care about his name, don’t care about him, but I wish he would EVERYONE a giant favor: LEARN ENGLISH! Don’t care if your illegal as long as you know OUR native tongue!

“Pack of black n’ mild’s regular.” I can’t even store change in this crap wallet. As soon as I build up the cash that’s one thing that will be replaced!

“4.77 mang” LEARN SOME ENGLISH! Jesus Christ, Saint Mary please preserve us!   Inflation is has been kicking my ass lately! A pack of my smokes were only 4.27 a month ago. The Economy system can go to hell if it at least makes my gas, rent, and importantly my smokes become more cheap. Well I’m too stressed out might as well light up and get some of it off my back.

“Ey! Take eet out back mang!” God Damn! No relief… I won’t smoke out here in front like some do. I’m not s fan of having those who enter stare at me and I’m sure ‘Juan’ will yell and whine (most likely in Spanish.) at me and threaten to call the police for ‘loitering’. So I have no prob with going to the back to chill. What the Hell? Did all the lights just surge? Was that a power problem? Or some idiot technician trying to learn what the hell to do? Well I just wanna have my smo- What is that?

A girl? No… she is older and too tall to be a child. But, why is she sleeping in the trash? Is she a junkie? Druggie? Whore? Hm? What are those? Are those small black wings? What the hell? Whatever, even though it is annoying to finally get a smoke and it has to be next to some cosplay weirdo. Ha. She can’t even make wings without screwing up! I mean, all these black feathers are strewn all over the place. What crap. But it good to finally have smoke, even if this moronic girl is distracting my thoughts. Hm?

WHAT THE HELL?! Did her-? FUCK!!! I dropped my smoke! Arg! Damn this crap evening! But what the hell?! Did her wings just retract into her back?! Well they are gone! That’s for damn sure! But I mean there is no damn way that is possible! So what do I do? Wait! I don’t have to do anything. It’s not my prob. But, she does look rather pale and she damn skinny… What crap! Fine! I will take her to a hospital. No, I can’t do that. If those wings were to pop back out she would be obtained, contained, and most likely killed and dissected within five minutes. And the last thing I want to hear is Jessie talking straight from the tabloids of a black-winged alien preparing for invasion. Damn it! I’ll just leave her! Let some other fool who isn’t so stressed handle this issue. No… the area is desolate and I came back here to escape peering eyes. If left here I think death would be the next to visit. Well, fuck! Maybe I should of wished for a normal day on that damn falling star.

She is light so it will be no prob getting her all the way to the apartment complex. That’s a silver lining on the dark cloud, or however it goes. She is warm too. Ha, a human coat, I guess that also is a blessing in disguise. But the situation is still a pain in the ass. But what am I to do? Might as well carry on.
©2008-2009 ~Tales-of-Sin
:icontales-of-sin:

Author's Comments

this is part one written out soon to be turned into manga form by :iconfairy-of-illusions:

PLEASE GIVE USEFUL CRITICAL ANALYSIS!!!!!!

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 1 1
:iconfullmetalheart5:
Ehehehe ^_^''
You say "crap" wayyy to much, dear.
And it does feel a tad bit all over the place, sad to say.
Feels more like a diary entry for a very hyperactive person than a part of a story...

--
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
:icontales-of-sin:
ok
1. it only says crap too much in the first paragrah other than thiat you would have easier time saying i said damn to much.
2. its coected and organized, its easy to tell his train of thought, remeber he is pissed and walkig home. his charcter is a little racey. but trust me the draft was nothing but damn loops this is centered.
3. its a first person narrative so similar to a diary except it is in present form and emotions are shown than told..
4. And if you even start to tell me that your thought NEVER take somee word or passage and jumps to another thing than you can leave. Nothing against you but to describe that to you using your favorie word. that's crap.
5. Dont call it jumpy just when YOU cant follow it. your the only one out of 7 or so to say it was "all over the place"

Have a nice day ^_^

--
It's the little things... that's what she said. It's the little things that get us through the day........ What a load of crap. -- Levi
:icontales-of-sin:
and please dont start saying im being hypocritical because i asked for you to be critical. dont get me wrong i do want you to be critcial and i thank you for pointing out that is says crap too much. that is going to revised and more. but to point out his hyperactive, paranoid tends as a flaw is no more a critical review and now an opinion of how you like it. I find the word you used "diary" innacurate and poor word choce, but i would like to hear from you the reason of why you chose the word. And with it feeling "all over the place." it doesnt help to hear that without knowing what part you are refering to. so thankyou for point ing out my crap issue in the first paragraph but if you could please elaborate.

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It's the little things... that's what she said. It's the little things that get us through the day........ What a load of crap. -- Levi
:iconfullmetalheart5:
I was just trying to say how the pure "emotional" nature it is written in was a tad hard to follow, as if the reader would need a bit more insight into the story in order to comprehend the situation being told. "Diary entry" is how I would describe something that is run by emotion... for it is a huge window into the mind of a character. Yes, I do understand that hyperactive is the character's type: I was not attempting to say that was a bad thing.
As for "all over the place" -that comment was said because it's such a thought-run narrative. I would be starting to comprehend what is going on, then some more of the character's thoughts would dominate and I just found myself having to look back and go, what just happened. This situation was there mostly when you started a new paragraph.
It was just like BAM new thoughts!
Which, is what new paragraphs are for, hm?
But... I do say your style is very unique. Me and a large group of my friends are all writers, and none of us have written in this style, or have I seen it at all, except for in a few dream scenes.
Possibly just a tad bit of revision and it will be magnificent. I just found it's current state to be a bit too intense for my taste. But as I re-read it a few more times (thus, with more understanding) I really do like the concept.

--
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
:iconeyuna-stormrunner:
Hmm...I like it so far. I understand every bit that goes on, buuuuuuut....the last part was just a little...too random....that is, unless you want the last part (with the angel) to be a randomized part, then carry on. Other than that, Great job! (Oh and I make this same exact mistake)

--
"*BEEP* THEM!! *BEEP* THEM ALL!!! :shakefist:"

As once said by the great emperor of Wu...Sun Quan :D
:icontales-of-sin:
thank you. i am currently revising and see your points and as the series continues its coarse feeling will mellow out to smooth. its a brand new style for me so working out kinks is a tad annoying. let alone that life still goes on. hopefully after the revision and more parts appear and :iconfairy-of-illusions: starts illustraiting the manga it will be an easier path to follow. thank you once again.

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It's the little things... that's what she said. It's the little things that get us through the day........ What a load of crap. -- Levi
:icontales-of-sin:
lol the angel is the story. once part2 comes in that might be a bit more clear.

--
It's the little things... that's what she said. It's the little things that get us through the day........ What a load of crap. -- Levi
:iconfullmetalheart5:
No problem ^_^
Keep at the good work!

--
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
:icontales-of-sin:
er...... will try... -_-'

--
It's the little things... that's what she said. It's the little things that get us through the day........ What a load of crap. -- Levi

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May 7, 2008
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